Nicole Scherzinger looked confident and hot on stage during her seven-year stint with the Pussycat Dolls in her twenties but former X Factor judge says she battled with bulimia for years before finally getting help. In an interview with British Cosmopolitan's August 2014 issue, the star opens up about that "dark time" in her life.
"I had such a great life on the outside, the Dolls were on top of the world, but I was miserable on the inside," the 36-year-old told the mag.
Scherzinger, 36, who went public with her bulimia struggle in 2012, talked about her secret eating disorder.
"It is such a horrible, paralyzing disease and it was such a dark time for me," she says. "I didn't think anyone knew in my group or in my family because I hid it that well, I was so ashamed. I knew it wasn't normal or healthy because I was hurting myself through this cycle of disordered eating. It was my drug, my addiction. It's an endless vicious cycle."
She goes on to tell the mag she didn't confront the problem and it took blacking out while on tour to finally wake up and smell the coffee.
"I had started losing my voice, I couldn't sing at shows, and then I remember my manager finding me passed out on the floor in Malta or in the south of France," she recalls. "I thought, 'I'm going to lose everything I love if I don't love myself."
Today, Scherzinger is healthy and happy but admits that despite her outgoing public persona, deep down she is a shy person.
"I get past my shyness by making everything about others and not thinking about myself," she says. "That's what I did on The X Factor – I can be goofy and playful when it's about the acts. They are like my babies. But when I'm off stage I'm not as big and animated ... for me all my smiles and confidence are a triumph because it came from a broken place."
Of her her off/on six-year romance with British #Formula1 racer Lewis Hamilton, Scherzinger says:
"Well, it's something crazy romantic. Relationships are hard and having to hold a long-distance relationship is even harder. It’s kudos to us for growing and trying -- there’s so much love there. It’s just the distance; it’s not natural for anyone. But I’m good and I’m happy.”
The August 2014 issue of British Cosmopolitan hits newsstands on July 3.
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